


How to Awaken a God

by addledwalrus



Category: Original Work
Genre: 2000s, Accents, Bloodlust, Boyfriends, Cabins, Celtic Mythology & Folklore, Curiosity, Dark Comedy, Folklore, Gen, Goddesses, Gods, Headaches & Migraines, Horniness, Horny Teenagers, Humor, Kissing, Languages and Linguistics, Lust, Mentions of Myth & Folklore, Mythology References, Nature, Pagan Gods, Pain, Parody, Possession, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Sexual Humor, Supernatural Elements, Teenagers, Violent Thoughts, Walks In The Woods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 23:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16504505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addledwalrus/pseuds/addledwalrus
Summary: Jared inadvertently summons two ancient Gods by playing a forgotten tape.This story is not to be taken seriously.





	How to Awaken a God

**2005**

_"Look at this! Who said that exploring dark basements was a bad idea?"_

Jared reascended into the cabin's dining area and placed the dusty tape recorder on the table with litttle regard for the fact that he'd be eating there in a couple of hours.

_"Wonder what dirty secrets these people wanted to hide? Zach and Michelle don't know what they're missing..."_

He rewound the tape and pressed 'play' before making himself comfortable in the nearest chair. An elderly man began to speak and Jared learned that the individual had apparently been some distinguished linguistics professor.

"The following is a reconstruction of two incantations in Old Irish and Old Norse respectively..." The professor stated, much to Jared's increasing interest.

"Cool. I can't wait..." He said quietly while leaning forward.

* * *

"Being away from civilization really isn't my thing..." Michelle complained as she strolled along a dirt trail in the woods, then remembered whom was by her side and tried to look on the bright side. "...but if we get to be alone with each other, I guess it's..."

She turned to face Zach and he simply stared in confusion.

"You guess it's what? Why are we stopping?"

Michelle had to take a deep breath to calm herself.

"This is a perfect time. We could sneak one or two..."

"Oh, that." Zach replied while vaguely understanding what she was saying. He stood still and allowed her to come closer so that they could kiss.

Their lips met and Michelle had to admit to herself that it felt nice. Nice enough that she wouldn't have minded shoving Zach to the ground and making him a man right then and there.

 _"What...what the hell was that?"_ She suddenly thought as deeply primal urges started to flood her body at a frightening rate.  _"I...I'm not that...horny...but..."_

She pushed Zach away and clenched both fists in an attempt to fight off what seemed to be another consciousness trying to override her own. A sharp pain arose in her head and the subsequent sound of drums was tormenting enough that she had to let out a scream.

"Shut up! Just leave me alone!"

"Michelle, what's gotten into you?!"

Michelle glared murderously up at Zach as her breath came out loud and ragged. She didn't know what had happened, but it was now clear that the worst was over and she just needed to find a healthy outlet for her emotions. Like waging war on her enemies and leaving their bloodied bodies to provide nourishment to the earth.

"What...what's gotten into me, you ask? I am none other than The Morrígan and a feeble young man such as yourself should move out of the way before I smite you!"

Zach swallowed in fear. The barely comprehensible Irish brogue his girlfriend had just adopted wasn't exactly easy on the ears and the sheer conviction with which she'd just spoken, led him to believe that she really did have the potential to seriously hurt him.

He backed away and turned to run back to the cabin with the intention of seeking Jared's help, only to find himself unable to continue as jaunty music filled his mind.

_"Where am I? What is life? Who cares, it's time to wreak havoc!"_


End file.
